We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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