Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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