hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
