Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
