She is in my trunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
