I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
