I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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