I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
