so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
