how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
