there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
