But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
