Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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