The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
