i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
