I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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