so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
