nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
