Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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