I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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