he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's always time for handjobs
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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