You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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