well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
