you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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