Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
