im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She's JV to your varsity
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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