you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize