i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
