okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
