remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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