I accidentally had phone sex last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
