Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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