we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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