What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize