capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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