I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Randomize
