she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
