You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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