Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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