so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
40s are totally the cure
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
