if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
