Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
