do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
