Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
