I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?