They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.