Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?