It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.