I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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