my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
