What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
