their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Welp...herpes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
