True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
