if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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