how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
