Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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