i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
