We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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