my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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