I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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