every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
