toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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