Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
