I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Randomize
