Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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