Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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